Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Your Lasts

Have you read this book, "Let me Hold You Longer," by Karen Kingsbury? If you haven't, here's an expert from a page in her very wonderful, tear-filled book: 

"I keep taking pictures, never quite sure of your lasts..." This week I am feeling overwhelmed with lasts, I didn't realize these would be flooding so quickly, so very quickly this very week. This week was my last time nursing my last baby. Every child is weaned, that means no longer am I needed to give life to this world. I am no longer in the stage of birthing babies and nursing them and I have tried not to be heartbroken about it, but this week I am hit with the reality that the next time I hold a newborn baby from my family, I will be a grandparent (wow)! Now that's a reality! No more new babies, no more time of just them and me. Of course we make other memories now and memories that we will cherish together that I won't just have on my own. I think I am understanding when the Bible talks about Mary, Jesus' Mama, that she, "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19--these are the types of things that she probably thought of. Of course Jesus was the Son of God, so there is nothing to compare, but Mary was a normal mother and I feel like today I get it...I'm cherishing these things and pondering them in my heart.

Yesterday, I realized the baby will be having a birthday in a month so he will probably be getting new toys and he is not interested in his baby things anymore...he wants to play tractors with his big brother. So I began sorting baby toys that he has outgrown, which lead me to cleaning out the toy cabinet. Never thinking today would be the day that my big girl, my 6 year old girl, would now be too big for her dress-up shoes, or 24 piece puzzles of Ariel or Dora (I know she's 6), or Littlest Pet Shop, or her magnet dolls. Never once did that cross my mind that she would look at me so nonchalant and say, "Mama, I am too big for those," or "Mama, I want to give them to my little cousin." I wasn't prepared for today, for the last time I'd see these precious shoes strewn across the floor or trip over them. I'll have the memories of her walking across the house in those shoes, "clop, clack, clop, clack" across the hardwood floor. With beads tossed around her sweet little neck and curls tucked around her ears. I didn't know today would be the last. 
I keep snapping photos, as the book above says, you just don't know when it will be their last!
Pondering, Lord I am pondering and cherishing. Thank you Lord for the memories you've given me to ponder, to cherish, to love.